They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
