i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
