in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
