I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
