I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
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When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
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And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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