and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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