My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I FOUND THE LEGS
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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