Can i not drive my cunt home
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
