Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
