after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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