think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
