Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
