I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
