i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
