I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
