I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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