she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
