thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
