This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
