That's intense
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
