Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
This show inspires me to have sex in space
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
