Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
