I think I died a long time ago.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
