Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
You did what with his pubic hair?
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