i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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