she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
did you just send me my own nude
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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