I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
