Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
