oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
They are going to name an STD after you.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
