Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
