jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
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