At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
