i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
