how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
