now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I need moral support for this bender
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
