Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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