I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
