i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
