I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
