As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
