Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
