I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
