Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
