how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Panties = found
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