dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
