My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
