Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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