im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
