yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Oh god it's open bar.
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