Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
