anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
i think i just lost a toe
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
