Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
