New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
