Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
