Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
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Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
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Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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