my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
The air taste purple.
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