Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
