he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Randomize
