Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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