You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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