You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
