i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
