There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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