Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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