We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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