now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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