it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
