kristin has been a bad kristin
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
no, he came in my armpit
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
