They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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