I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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