my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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