DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
