Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
