R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
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I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
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Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Randomize