Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
