the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
